We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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