On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
