He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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