HIV tests are more positive than that guy
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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