In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
