Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
