we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
