Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
