Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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