I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
