he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
