This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
