remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
