my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
