Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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