I cockslap morals
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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