We're like a lot better than the average bears
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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