fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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