If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
