just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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