What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
