i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
