foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
porn star boner night. come get it.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
