my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She swung at the pinata with crutches
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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