hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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