I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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