two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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