: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
