Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
