you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize