I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize