We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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