I looked at my own cervix.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
