Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
