i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
