Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
