Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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