the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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