They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
