Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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