I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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