Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
This can only be settled by a dance off.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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