Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
