i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
