i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
