I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
