We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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