Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
