you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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