when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
