I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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