So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
