erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize