i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
