Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
