Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize