The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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