I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
