What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize