no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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