I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
