My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
