Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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