I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
