meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
