Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
