What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
