Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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